Slow Living for Chronically Ill People Series Week 4: The Art of Saying No

When living with a chronic illness, your energy is precious. Every choice you make—whether it’s accepting an invitation, running an errand, or even answering a phone call—can either support your well-being or drain you. That’s why learning to say “no” is not just important; it’s essential for protecting your health and embracing slow living.

But saying no can be hard. Many of us feel guilty or worry about disappointing others. The good news? Setting boundaries doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable or harsh. With a little practice, you can learn to say no with grace and confidence.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Essential for Slow Living

Boundaries help you prioritize what truly matters and avoid unnecessary stress. Here’s why they are so important:

• Protect Your Energy: Every “yes” takes energy, and when you have a chronic illness, that energy is limited. Boundaries ensure you don’t overextend yourself.

• Reduce Stress and Overwhelm: Saying yes to everything can lead to exhaustion, flares, and burnout. Setting limits creates space for rest and recovery.

• Honor Your Needs: You deserve to spend your time and energy in ways that align with your well-being. Boundaries help you focus on what supports your health and happiness.

How to Say No Gracefully (Without Feeling Guilty)

Saying no doesn’t have to feel rude or abrupt. Here are some gentle ways to decline while maintaining kindness:

1. Keep It Simple: A direct but polite response works best. Example: “I appreciate the invite, but I need to rest today.”

2. Use the “Soft No” Approach: This acknowledges the request while still declining. Example: “That sounds wonderful, but I have to pass this time. Let’s catch up soon!”

3. Be Honest (But Brief): You don’t have to over-explain. Example: “I’m focusing on my health right now and need to take things slow.”

4. Offer an Alternative (If You Want To): If you’d still like to stay connected, suggest another option. Example: “I can’t meet in person, but I’d love to chat on the phone for a few minutes.”

5. Use “I” Statements: This keeps the focus on your needs rather than the other person’s expectations. Example: “I need to prioritize my energy today, so I won’t be able to join.”

How to Identify and Protect Your Energy Reserves

Your energy is like a bank account—each task or interaction is a withdrawal, and rest is how you make deposits. Here’s how to keep your “energy bank” balanced:

• Tune Into Your Body: Pay attention to signals like fatigue, brain fog, or increased pain. These are signs you may need to step back.

• Prioritize Restorative Activities: Choose activities that replenish your energy, such as reading, light stretching, or simply enjoying quiet time.

• Create a “No List”: Write down things that drain you and practice saying no to them. This could be social events, extra commitments, or stressful conversations.

• Surround Yourself with Support: Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and understand your needs.

• Give Yourself Permission to Rest: Remember, saying no isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. You are allowed to put your well-being first.

Final Thoughts

Saying no is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness. By setting boundaries, you create space for the things that truly matter—your health, your peace, and the moments that bring you joy.

Start small, practice often, and remember: every time you say no to something that drains you, you’re saying yes to your well-being.

Looking to learn even more about setting boundaries?  Here are 5 books I recommend reading.

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life Authored by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, this classic guide offers biblically-based answers to help you set healthy boundaries with various individuals in your life, including parents, spouses, children, friends, and co-workers.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides a clear and direct approach to establishing healthy boundaries. The book includes exercises and practical tools to help you connect with yourself and address the core issues you're facing.

The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free Melissa Urban offers a powerful and practical guide demonstrating how clear boundaries can protect your energy, time, and health, leading to increased security, confidence, and freedom in all areas of life.

Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free: The Ultimate Guide to Telling the Truth, Creating Connection, and Finding Freedom Nancy Levin provides exercises and practical tools designed to help even the most conflict-averse, people-pleasing readers develop new habits for setting boundaries and living authentically.

Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships  Allison Bottke offers her distinctive “Six Steps to SANITY” to readers dealing with difficult individuals, providing a structured approach to implementing rules and boundaries effectively.

These books offer valuable insights and practical strategies to help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries, fostering improved relationships and personal well-being.

Let's DO this!